Dear Love, You are hard to find. To find you it takes patience, effort, optimism, and time...all of which I either don't have or am losing. It's not that I'm not putting in the correct amount of effort, but Love, others have been parading around pretending to be you. Lust, Loneliness, and Desperation seem to follow me where ever I go. I'm not great at recognizing the difference, either, so I'm hoping that sooner or later I can find you. I am young and dumb, and don't necessarily want you around sometimes. But it's something that I need to surround myself with everyone does. I'm not great at small talk or getting to know people. I'm much better at the comforting whispers after nightmares and a brush on the hand to remind you that I still care. I'm more of the person who is the dependable girl who does favors without results. People use me and take me for granted, I think. Because I give out Love, but find that I won't receive it back. My past is dark, but my future is flickering in the distance. I'm not pretty, I'm not ugly, I'm not smart, I'm not dumb. I am me, with my faults, my joys, my laughter, my brain. Love, I don't know how to find you. Because I don't know how to love because my Earth hasn't shattered, I haven't needed someone, been needed by someone. So show me those things how a smile is a reminder of what I've overcome to appreciate its easiness. Remind me of what I'm looking for without looking. Please remind me that I'm not crazy I'm the same as the next person to walk through that door ok, maybe the next one, that I do deserve to find you. That I will. I am worthy of Love, whoever you are. So please come find me. Because once I find you, I'll be there to soothe, to watch, to smile, to laugh. Yours, J.
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